The Zombie Diet

Diet the Zhooker Way

The bloody handsome gentleman in the center of the zombie collective is my husband: Joshua.  He’s the one with the nice tie.  The other denizens are zombies and hookers becoming zombies. (Or “Zhookers”  as I was informed.) 

Backtracking to Wednesday, my husband asked me on a date for Saturday night to go see a movie.  As old as I am, and for however long I have been married (23  years now), I get very girlish and excited when asked on a date. 

Friday night as we watched TV, he received a call for use of his limousine: The Silver Bullet.  A director saw the silver limo and liked its looks (it’s a pretty car) and hired Josh for a scene.  Josh accepted.  Our movie night was still on but now he’d be in the movies, not at the movies. 

It was a cold clear Saturday night.  The cast was gathering.  No mist in the air at all and the nipping chill hadn’t set in yet.    I, Wife, was careful to stay out of the way of the lights, ground wires and director. 

  Ground fog began and the hookers dressed in goosepimply skimpy clothing aroused the onlookers. 

The Silver Bullet Limo drove up and Josh the Limo Driver let the girls in. 

In another scene, the Vampiress drove  the Silver Bullet Limo up the blacknight driveway. Josh the Limo Driver was not in sight. The director whispered over the phone to Josh who was hiding inside the vehicle, “stay down in the back…..you can touch anything there.” I finally spoke up, “No he can’t….I’m the Wife.”  The director winced at the real dangerous scene he nearly caused.

Too many pizzas later, the last scene for the night took place with the fattened limo driver laying on the floor being growlingly devoured by ten zombies. Josh was a meal and a half for them all.

The following day, Josh said to me, ‘You think I should get back on NutriSystem?” 

The Wife said: “Yep”.